Funny
- A picture is worth a thousand words.
Who needs a laptop?
- Joke of the Day
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: “For Women Only.” Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what’s inside.”
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: “All the men on this floor are short and plain.” The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: “All the men here are short and handsome.” Still, this isn’t good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: “All the men here are tall and plain.”
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: “All the men here are tall and handsome.” The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: “There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman.”
In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart that contained a screaming baby, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert, Don’t scream, Albert, keep calm, Albert don’t yell.” A woman noticed and commented on how he was trying to sooth the baby. The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”
Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, “Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.” He goes: “Not in a row!”
- Anyone want to go hunting?
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: “Take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, “OK, now what?”
- Motivation for Failing Students
A public High School student was doing well in all subjects except for math. He refused to do his math homework. So his parents decided to send him to private Catholic school.
While there the student did his homework every night and at the end of the marking period got straight A’s. So his parents asked, “What motivated you to do your homework?” He replied, “When I saw that guy nailed to a plus sign I knew they weren’t fooling around!”
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